The past weekend was a challenging one and it ended up with me being dissolved in a fit of tears in my man’s hands. Some time life overwhelms you so much that you cannot bear to move forward any longer… and yet you want to push ahead of all the adversities for the person in front of you.
Do we cease becoming a daughter to our parents the minute we get married? Or is it just my overactive-crazy-hormone filled imaginative mind making it’s weird stories? Or are we a “child” to our parents forever? My head is constantly filled with a thousand questions, doubts and ‘what-if’ scenarios!
I have a new venture coming up. I am excited, tensed, anxious and joyous. How can I feel all such emotions at one time, you ask ? I am devoid of answers. People who feel intensely might understand me !
For a long time, I prayed to God to help me with my quarter-life crisis. To help me move forward. To help me make decisions. To ease my loneliness. To strengthen me through another person. All His answers came in the form of a roller-coaster journey. Alhamdulilah. Life doesn’t happen when we want it to, life happens when it is destined to be.
It is easy to pray to God when we are broken, hurt and depressed. Yet, our hardest test is to pray with the same sincerity and passion when we are successful, joyous and happy.Therein lies our sincerity and Ihsan.
Similarly, it is easier to say Alhamdulilah in good times. We should train our tongues and mind to say “Alhamdulilah” with the same fierceness during our times of hardship. Therein lies the strength of our Iman.
Another issue constantly disturbing me these days is the lack of confidence and low self-esteem. I have been a good student/daughter/wife/sister/aunt etc etc yet I do not see goodness in me. I constantly badger myself with depreciating thoughts and sentences. (..and I am a living example of ‘Nobody can make you feel inferior with out your consent’) Where do our self-esteem issue arise from? Is it from a childhood incident? I used to be constantly compared with XYZ throughout my entire childhood. Was I made to believe anything I do will never reach up to XYZ’s level? How do I fight this demon inside in me ? How do I start loving myself? Self- love !
My healing can only be in
- Self love